Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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