You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
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Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize