Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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