Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize