i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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