If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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