if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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