I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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