I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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