dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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