Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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