She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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