you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize