and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize