did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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