I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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