Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
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Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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