I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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