Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize