my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I would fuck him just for his dog
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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