9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize