the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize