You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
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They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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