I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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