someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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