Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize