I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
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You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize