New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
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Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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