who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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