that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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