Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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