okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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