I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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