drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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