hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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