You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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