apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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