He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He shit in the fireplace
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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