On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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