just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize