smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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