Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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