I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
try to milk me bitch
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