My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize