You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize