After last night, I could never be a politician.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize