So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
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Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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