imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize