i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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