Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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